When Jesus Says Yes

7:00 am

As the days have drawn closer to the production, attacks from myself, for potentially losing my job, inner feelings of doubt and lack of motivation too draws near. Lately I have felt as if my faith is slowly disappearing. As much as I may say that I need to work on trusting God, it has just felt like the words and thoughts are being released, but the actual feelings and actions are stagnant. I have been feeling as if I’m losing my personal self in-God. My outer life is good as it can be. I have friends. I have family. I have life. And I have love. What I don’t have, is a job that I love. A secure job. A valuable job. A job that makes me feel worthy. I’m grateful I have a job, nonetheless. But, I do believe that God has given us talents and abilities and none of which are being utilized at this position makes me think, am I doing enough ? Am I doing what God has placed me here to do or am I just being “comfortable” ? Which also leads to a battle of: why are you complaining that you want something but you’re not doing what you need in this current season to get to the next ? But, what am I supposed to do ? Why am I so lost ? I’m no longer in school and to be honest, I’m not exactly sure what’s going to take place next semester. These minor things are all adding together and so much more is just making my faith and trust that much harder to keep ignited. 

Truth be told, I haven’t felt in the spirit for the play for this week. I also feel lost within this. I know that the enemy has attacked the last time, so I’m aware he will try again. I just pray for peace within myself. I pray that I am able to look past what is currently happening in this season of my life, as far as the things I desire but are not yet here. But I just pray that I am able to see that what I don’t yet have will come to be seen if only I keep trusting and doing God’s work.

7:15 am

So I begin reading my devotional as I am sitting here on the ferry headed to work. I just needed the word of God to guide me Today, so I was able to snap a photo of today’s devotional. Unbeknownst to me, God was really waiting for me to speak with him:
"Anxiety is a result of envisioning the future without Me. So the best defense against worry is staying in communication with Me.When you turn your thoughts toward Me, you can think much more positively. Remember to listen ,as well as to speak, making your thoughts a dialogue with Me.
If you must consider upcoming events, follow these rules: 1) Do not linger in the future, because anxieties sprout up like mushrooms when you wander there. 2) Remember the promise of My continual Presence; include Me in any imagery that comes to mind. This mental discipline does not come easily, because you are accustomed to being god of your fantasies. However, the reality of My presence with you, now and forever more, outshines any fantasy you could ever imagine." 
Read: Luke 12:22-26 ; Ephesians 3:20-21

7:35 am

"If you’re going to work and you don’t have a smile on your face, you need to change because there are people out here who do not have a job."

This was refreshing for me and I had to smile. Once again, I lost my unlimited metro card. Not sure how it happened, but the enemy is still trying all too hard. Prior to getting off the ferry, I prayed to God to just guide me and give me a fresh start as I walk off this boat. Allow me to walk to the train and have a smile on my face. Allow me to go into Times Square church and feel renewed and also smile. For this man who was giving away newspapers to say that specific sentence was just a reminder that God is indeed listening to my prayers and just in case I am not listening to what I am praying about, then he’s like I am going to send you a reminder. In that instant, because honestly I didn’t have a smile on my face as I walked off that ferry.

Another thing happened once I got on the train. I am the type of person who accepts the “worldly” subliminal messages. Well, I guess that would depend on whether I feel as if it’s meant for me or not. So I get on the train and this woman’s bag read  "Happy to see you here” with a smiley face. For me, that just spoke as a word from God. I may feel useless and as if I am disappointing God. But, I need to remind myself that He did not put me here to feel that way, and even if it is a part of His plan, He is happy to see me at this point in my life, at this moment, crying out to Him because He is getting me prepared to be used by Him, to be drawn closer to Him. He is reminding me that He loves me and that no matter how I may currently feel in this state of mind,

He is happy to see me here! 

Date: October 17, 2014

Saphia Louise