Featured: Independence : Single .v. Relationship

Independence: Single .vs. Relationship

Hello, beautiful people ! Let me just start by saying, this is of our personal belief and if you relate, woop! If not, we are not stating that every woman agrees.  Or man. Speaking of, I hope that my blog is universal and not only applicable for women to read only. Now, onto the point of it all.

What makes an individual “Independent”?

We often hear from the media’s approach, and based on songs or opinions from outsiders, that a woman has to have “Her own car. Her own crib. A job. Her own money.” etc. Does that really make you independent?
Are you not dependent on each of those things? You rely on your boss not waking up one day with the sudden decision to tell you “you’re fired”—and since you need money to pay for your car and home, you have to wake up counting on that job every day so that you may provide for yourself.

But, what about you as an individual?
Without all of those things, a job, a car, a home, money, etc, are you independent?
Can you stand alone and keep yourself composed?
Do you have all of those things, yet you are needy and clingy when it comes to relationships? (Be it friendships or relationships)
Are you unable to do things on your own?
When was the last time you went out to the movies or a restaurant and you were your own date?

What makes you independent?

I decided to ask a friend what her input was on this topic. Kim C, a woman who represents strength, upright honesty and can be a little bit on the feminist side. 

These were her responses on being independent.


What makes an individual independent?

I'd say, from my personal experience, independence is to be the renaissance woman/man of this decade. However, I believe that our society has influenced the independent ideology, and has created this idea that means "alone." To clarify, we've been ingrained to believe independence connotes you do things on your own, without anyone's help. My belief, to go back to the renaissance woman/man, is that independence means being capable of doing things out of your comfort zone. As a woman, or a man, being independent doesn't just mean material things, but it's also about releasing ourselves into places we are not comfortable. You can’t have your own place, car, money and call up your mommy every time something goes wrong so they can help you out of a jam. That's not independent at all. You have to be willing totake risks, make changes in your life that benefit you and if it means doing things you've never done, then so be it. 

Is there a difference between being independent in a relationship as opposed to when you’re single?

No. Just because you're in a relationship should not mean you lose independence. Before you got into that relationship, you were doing things that made you feel more independent, so don't let someone else change that. In a marriage, a man leads the home and a woman maintains it stable. That does not mean a woman is dependent to a man. In the relationship both collaborate together to create a unified home. Again, independent doesn't mean, “I can do it on my own." It means, "I can try this and if I fail, I know I did it."

Do you lose your independence when in a relationship? How can someone remain independent yet, not give the impression that they block off the world?

You should maintain your independence in your relationship. You should be aware that you are capable of doing things, but also willing to collaborate with your significant other. And I’m not saying the independence where you think you can do all things without any "man." Yes, ladies, we are guilty of this. We let society, media, our environment, and close ones tell us something different about independence. You have to understand that we are building each other in a relationship, we're thriving to make a better person of our significant others.  When we get into relationships, we tend to ask our significant others for favors; pick up this, drop off this one, fix this, clean this, etc. It's not wrong to ask for favors, absolutely okay if you need a hand, that doesn't make you dependent. But, before they came into your life, were you able to do it on your own? Do you think you'd be able to do things now? Compromise with them, "I'll do this and you can pick up that." Don't make them your go-to person for everything; they're your partner, not your errand girl/boy. 

Remaining independent is not easy, you get comfortable having someone do more things for you. But you have to understandyou're not building yourself up if you're not challenging yourself. Don't know how to do something? You can learn. It's okay to ask for help. It's totally fine if you don't know how to do it and someone else does it. That doesn't make you dependent; it just doesn't make you an expert in that specific task.

You don't want to be classified as that person who thinks they can do everything, so they call themselves independent. No one wants to have that friend, lover, or spouse. You can be independent and play nice with others. Being independent means adapting to different things...and always willing to learn more. 

To be continued ....

Saphia Louise