This Is Bigger Than YOU

"You are on the path of my choosing, so do not give up!" -God

This past week I endured what some would call: stress or slight depression. As February approached, I made a decision that flipped my life around a quick 180. I moved back home with my mother. As I sit here typing this, I can smell freedom but also confinement. Let me take this back a little without getting too much into another topic.

I lived in a basement apartment for 3 years and 2 months. If anyone has ever lived in one, you already know where I am going with this. I experienced excessive amounts of gnats, ant problems coming from the window which was located right besides the grass and mold. Yes, mold. Heads up, if you ever decide to live in a basement apartment, be sure that your landlord does not have indoor-outdoor carpet, better yet, no carpet at all. The lack of air circulation was ridiculous. I've never suffered with allergies until moving there. Well, as February approached, I made a rash, yet important decision to move out. Literally, one day I said okay I'm going to move and the next day I was packing.

Thankfully, my mother accepted me with open arms. My current bedroom is a lot bigger than my previous place and I have actual windows. Not those miniature windows in basement apartments.
Three difficulties I was automatically faced with: Pride. Despair. Discouragement.

Pride: I am moving back home. I know many of my friends that are still living at home with their parents, so it's not that big of a deal if I had never moved out and was 25 years old, but the fact that I have to deal with questions, raised eyebrows, and convincing others that this is a smart decision--my pride did not want to entertain that. Through prayer, I overcame it. To h-e-double hockey sticks with what they think. I care, but I don't. I had to overcome what I assumed others would think and make a decision that benefits me.

Despair & Discouragement : I am certain that because I had to take a step backwards, I carried not only my luggage with me to my mothers, but also doubt and pity for myself. I started to feel like my life was not going to take its course; that I wouldn't grow. Discouraged because I started to allow myself to believe that my current situation was my end all-be all.

Well, it's not. I am exactly where God intended for me to be. In all honesty, I went to work everyday with a forged smile on my face. Attempting to act as if everything is okay, yet I wasn't. My whole world was crashing down because of two simple reasons: I am confused about my future and I took a step back into my past.

Reality check: The holder of my future is God and I will forever be oblivious to how He works. More important, my life and my world was not crashing down.

It is easy to allow ourselves to think that a temporary moment is how our entire life is going to be.

I had to change MY thoughts. A friend had no idea how I was feeling. Recently, we began texting each other more often and she(Kristen) decided to randomly send me a video of Pastor Erwin McManus preaching. Title of the video: Hope in a desperate time.

I was desperate and I needed hope. So, this is how I overcame my moment of despair. I took down some notes because, that's just what I like to do, but I want to share them with whomever may also be going through a time like what I went through.

  • LIFE is worth the struggle.
  • We must realize that Tomorrow can not be better than Today. ( Meaning, we should not be continuously stuck on the future when God has given us the gift of Today. We cannot unwrap what we do not yet have)
  • Sometimes we have a magical understanding of our journey, as if we're never supposed to have bad days or bad moments.
  • Decide each day which voice you will give power and authority to your life.
  • Brokenness is a reminder that you need to keep close to God.
  • Lows almost always come out after the high. ( How often do you find yourself achieving a goal and then suddenly, the enemy is out and ready to attack?!) 
  • It's not as bas as I think.
  • Get back on track. Do what you are called to do; live a life of meaning.
  • You matter.
  • Your life is filled with hope.
  • You have value.
  • The God who created you knows you & treasures every moment of your life.
  • Don't let moments convince you that that's your future.
  • Thank God for baseline moments. 

After watching this video, Hope in a Desperate Time, I began to see more clearly. I felt relieved.
I remembered that I am human and these moments do not define me. Changing my mind and how I think will change everything else around me. Start with you !

"You are on the path of my choosing, so do not give up!" -God

Saphia Louise