I've Got Questions| Poem

Normally, unless it's my Tumblr, I do not like to post my writings on the internet unless I've already posted a video. However, I would like to share this poem that I wrote a few months back. The realness. 

Lord I've got questions
And I know you got the answers
But I've reached past the battle
Of whether I kneel down
Or throw my hands up
It's gotten real
Since the last time we spoke 
I mean 
We speak every day
But I've held things back
I'm sure you know
Sometimes I question me
I Wonder, how come?
How come I get more chances
Isn't the battle already done
I mean you won
So what part do I play
Just a pawn in your chest set
Simply paving your way
I'm calling out to you lord 
Crying out for help

See I know 
I have many doubts
But most starting with myself
I realized that's not all 
I'm doubting the creator
Yes, you label me as art
Yet, I see an empty paper
You see me for my good
I'm blinded by the bad
Lord I'm crying out
To put it all past
My lying eyes
My foolish ears
Help me to see
What you've seen all these years
The greater in me

But Lord I've got some questions
And I know you've got answers
And I know 
I shouldn't question you
But why is it that 
we go through
The things that we do
Like pain, hurt,
heartache And death, 
And you just sit around and witness
Why must we suffer
Lord, give us less
I mean I know
Jesus suffered
But why must I too
Lord I'm just trying to be perfect
But I don't have a clue

Lord I've got questions
Only you can provide the answers
I finally surrender
I'm throwing my hands up
Why do I get a choice
Why do you let me be free?
Why must I fight for happiness 
Why can't I be free ?
Why don't you hear my call ?
Why do you ignore me ?
Why do we lose loved ones?
Why do we wait for eternity ?
Why do you condone violence?
Why must people be poor? 
How come you allow people to reach the top,
And keep others on the floor?
Why do you tell me no,
When I need to hear yes?
Why don't you help this pain
That's sitting on my chest

So lord
I've got questions
But I don't hear the answers
Lord I take it back 
I'm done putting my hands up

What I couldn't see
Is that you truly know me
What I couldn't believe
Is how you really love me

So my questions
We're never questions
That you should have cared for
I'm steady throwing my hands 
Surrendering to what
My heart was still tied to my chest
I always wanted more
But always gave you less
Never enough 
No trust
No faith
How I can see
And STILL have so little faith
You asked
But I ignored the truth 
That formed in me

So lord I've got questions
And I know you got answers
But I'm through seeking the 
Follow ups to my what ifs
How come and why
I learned it all starts
With telling my doubts goodbye
I'm willing to try
Because you give me the choice
Most importantly, Lord
To hear your voice
I hear you this time
Yet I asked no question
You filled me 
with this blessing
You said 
Fear not
For I am with you
And reached out your hand

Lord I couldn't feel you

But I finally understand

Saphia Louise