When A Train Ride Causes You To Question What Your Fears Are

I was walking onto the train one evening after work and my head was stuck in my phone. Solitaire had me engaged.

When I sat down, I noticed from the corner of my eyes a woman that was sitting besides me, staring my way. I didn't mind because 1. My phone has a protective screen and 2. I was only playing solitaire.

All of a sudden I heard, "Ohhh! That's what you're doing. You're just playing cards."

First thing that I did? I laughed. I wasn't sure what else this woman thought I might have been doing. And then, she said it.

"I thought you were reading Macbeth or Shakespeare! But, you're just playing cards!"

I was a bit offended. But, again, I laughed and responded by telling her that I do read. I'd rather read a book that I can hold in my hands and actually flip the pages. I told her that solitaire was a way for me to kill time. Pretty much, I was coming up with reasons why I was enjoying my solitude with solitaire.

"Okay. I get it. But really, that just sounds like excuses!"

Now I was intrigued. So, I engaged in what seemed to be the preparation of a conversation.

She asked me what the last book I read was and I told her a self-help book. That triggered her to tell me about a book she read and how it was a self-help book that changed her life. The book was called "Living Without Fear".

This woman began to tell me about how she lived a life full of fear; afraid to being herself, speaking up, doing things she loved, etc. Also that her parents were very  demanding. After reading that book, she said it changed her life!

I wanted this book. I continued tot talk to her for what seemed like forever, but only lasted 1 stop of a train ride. As she was getting up to continue on with her commute, she asked me "What are your fears?"

Attempting to brush the question away, I said, "look at that, it's your stop," but she wasn't hearing it.
In the middle of her walking out of the doors she said to me again, "No! I want to know what your fear is."

This woman seemed like the type of person who would miss her stop and stay on the train until I told her my fear. So, I blurted out "I am afraid of trying."

I was shocked. Why did I say that? I didn't really mean it. Or, did I?

A few days after I saw this quote in my email. "What can you do now, that you'd like to do, that you aren't doing?"

And it hit me. Sometimes in life, we allow our fears to convince us that we will always be defeated so there's no point in trying. We allow our fears to tell us that trying is only going to lead us into an imaginary world. I know I could speak for myself, but there's someone out there who agrees with me.

When I told this woman that I am afraid of trying, I didn't find the answer to life. I didn't let go of this fear and become greater. However, I became wiser. It reminded me that if I don't try, if I don't put a foot forward, if I don't believe in my abilities, then I will remain in the same place forever.

We are a humankind that is feeds from growth. Allowing fear to own you is like giving up on life and letting go, while still existing.

I question my abilities and my fears everyday. This time, I've made the choice to stop questioning the fears because the only answers they give me in return are things I do not want to hear.

Face your fears; look it square in the eyes and say "Good try!"

Saphia Louise